I dream of love... deep, abiding love
I dream that my body is your heart's desire
you, wrapped up in this short, rounded body
bound by my pitch black, windswept hair.

My dreams are just that... dreams
who could love one such as me?
I am not lithe, I am not a slender reed
blown about by your hot and wanting breath.

I am solid, I am strong
I am not graceful or elegant
I am careless, I am carefree
I will not conform, even for one such as you.

You are all that I ever wanted
You are bright, happy, free
comfortable in your splendid manliness
unaware of your blinding beauty.

Love makes us wish many  things
passion makes us want many things
I love, I want, I wish, I dream...
I weep, I sigh, I ponder, I settle
for one I  have... not one I long to possess.

When the ocean calls my name

I dare not heed it’s lonely call

My life, my loves would be gone forever

Lost in it’s turbulent, rocky depths.

The ocean breezes whisper in my ear

“Stay with us, we mean you no harm”

I long to be lost for a time

in it’s cold, yet calming embrace.

But eternity is what is desired

And I cannot comply, I dare not

My children, my love would be lost

If the sea claimed me and kept me forever.

So, I hear the roar of the waves

The Seaweed caresses my feet

Daring me to dive beneath the foam

To lose what I didn't know I’d found

Alas, I cannot comply... and the sea rages on.

What happened to the curtains
that once gently wafted in the breeze
high above the emerald hued trees
where chattering squirrels quarrel with each other.

What was said in the kitchen
around the now scarred and dusty table
did you tell stories, or read the paper
when yellow flowers on the wall were a brighter hue?

Why were you abandoned
why was your beauty left to decay
was there a death, or a life... so tragic
that all lovliness felt wasted away?

I feel the heaviness of this house
the dormant love and hate
yet even in its tattered and derelict state
is still a hauntingly beautiful ruin
in all its vanishing glory.

I wait with bated breath to see
Sparks fly from the tip of a wand
I listen with eager ears to hear
An owl screech, its message is clear.

I tremble to feel
A dark caress
I fail to realize
This fantasy is not reality.

I have lived much of my life
Wrapped in the silky embrace of 
A book of enchantments...
happily losing myself within its pages.

My reality is not my desire
My desire is with his clever words
His hair, his eyes, his soul...
I drink deeply from the cup
Of magic and wait for his call.

My son

You and I share a bond of blood

We are family, we are made from each other

You are my son, my life, my happiness

Bound up in a body that owes itself to me.

You have my nose (I am sorry for that!)

We share our dimpled chin...

I look in your eyes and I see myself

A better version, bright and shiny new.

We share so much, I am overwhelmed

I love to drink in the beauty of your skin

Your crooked smile and big beaver teeth

So like me, but a thousandfold better.

Who knew I could feel this

I did not realize my life began with you

Before was just a dress rehearsal

The movie, the play, the book that is my life

Held in a hand clasped tightly in mine.

I am not a patient person. I do not like to wait. Its a downfall of mine. (one of many, I confess. Love of cheesecake, evil movie/TV men, thrift stores and jumbles and jumbles of cats, ect...) so I am having a hard time waiting for things in my life to happen.

I am starting a thrift store with my sister. Its something we are both passionate about and it will help us financially, as well as the cash strapped schools in our county. BUT, this is most likely 6 months away. Until then I toil away at a dead end job, where I am just not happy. Or at least I am not happy now that I know... or hope that life has something better in store for me.

I grew up poor, lived most of my life poor but lack the drive to get myself out of it. Hey, I think I have hit on another downfall. My lazy-un goal driven-coast along way of living my life. This opportunity is perfect for me, it will keep my interest and allow me to move closer to my family, my boys will have a better life (I hope) than I ever dreamt I could give them. Life is looking promising for the first time in a very long time.

Waiting... waiting... why does time only move fast when you are watching people be born, grow... or slowly pass away into eternity?